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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Tootle

waiting on the Lord - part one

Updated: Mar 26, 2022

Have you ever found yourself waiting on something? Found yourself wondering why things are not happening the way you always planned or thought they would?

As I reflect on the past 6 years, I am in complete awe of the Lord’s faithfulness on my life. There have been many periods of waiting for Kyle and me. Some of you might not know, but we are high school sweethearts. I found myself in 2013 anxiously awaiting a proposal. Then again in 2015 we were waiting for the appropriate time to find our first home together. We have waited for career changes and beyond. We also waited for our family to grow. This is a very tough story to tell because it reveals the most sensitive areas of my heart and struggles.

Let me preface this by saying all who are struggling with infertility, adoption, IVF, etc. – I hear you, I grieve with you and I pray for you daily. The pain is real and so many are silent amid their struggles.

Becoming a mommy has always been a desire of mine ever since I can remember. I have a large family consisting of lots of cousins, baby cousins. I am the oldest granddaughter on my maternal family side, so you can only imagine the amount of baby snuggles I have received. We also have 2 precious nieces and 2 of the sweetest (seriously the sweetest) nephews! When Kyle and I felt it was time to start our little family we were excited, only until the waiting period became long – months turned to years and my heart was broken and I was struggling. Sadness turned to anger which then turned to fear. My mind was constantly thinking “what if…” That fear became overwhelming when my sweet doctor looked at me and said the words "unexplained infertility". In the exam room my eyes flooded with tears and I remember vividly her saying “the best-case scenario is it’s just not God’s time yet”. At this time, I had not really shared my struggles with anyone other than Kyle and my doctor, not even my momma. I knew I needed prayer warriors and friends to walk whatever journey was ahead with me. I will forever be thankful for the small group of women who prayed for us, cried with me, and checked on me during this season; some who even have infertility struggles of their own.

I went into 2019 with a different prayer mindset. My prayers shifted from {asking} for a baby to asking that the Lord’s will be done no matter what the end result may be. One day in January 2019, I was traveling to Hattiesburg for work and heard the song “Fear No More” by Building 429 on the radio for the first time. I honestly believe God knew my heart was aching that day and He knew “I wished I could see the finish line…”. He knew I was struggling. I pulled over and tearfully prayed aloud, text Kyle the YouTube video of the song {lol} and told him from that point on I chose to fear no more. God has this, He always has!! The month following, I began lining up appointments and scheduling tests while still praying for God to calm my nerves and comfort my heart. For the first time in over 16 months, I had a peace that no matter what God’s plan may be, it was going to be perfect in His time.

Fast forward to a hot summer Friday after a long day’s work. It was August 9, 2019. We found out we were expecting. The day is somewhat of a blur, but I do know I called Kyle and told him he needed to come home right noooooww. Poor thing thought something terrible happened. Little did he know he was an expecting daddy on his drive home from work to our house that afternoon. Now reflecting on that special day a year later, I never in my wildest dreams expected that we would deliver the most beautiful baby girl during a global pandemic.

The past 4 months have been a whirlwind trying to navigate the COVID-19 pandemic and determine ways to keep our most precious gift safe and healthy. It is scary. It is overwhelming. Yes, a year later from the happiest day, I find myself oftentimes in fear. The mama bear syndrome is real y’all! I remind myself daily that Ellie Davis belongs to the Lord. Even though she joined our world during a strange time, she was worth the wait! ​Soon after finding out we were pregnant, I would wonder “Why this time, Lord….Why did we wait for this moment for so long”. As we look back throughout this season of waiting, it has become very clear that the Lord was using this time to draw Kyle and me closer to Himself which in turn drew us closer to each other. His timing does not always make sense, but now we can look back and see so many instances of why the Lord’s plans were far better than our own. Kyle cannot wait to share {his side of the story} in the coming weeks. God is SO good, ALL the time! I share this in hopes that you will turn to Him in seasons of waiting – waiting for that perfect house in the perfect neighborhood, waiting for the perfect job, waiting for a career change, waiting when there seems to be no end in sight, etc.… Friends, leaning on the Lord really does bring peace and comfort that only He can provide! Whatever you find yourself waiting for in this life, turn it over to Him. Trust Him with the desires of your heart. I promise you His plans are always perfect. xoxo, Stephanie

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